Imagine putting on a swimsuit and then allowing someone to look at you and evaluate your body… on purpose! Not so very long ago I thought that sounded like an absolute nightmare. Today it’s just a matter of course as we continue down this path of competition prep.
The first time I had to “get checked” was last January. I had just gotten up the courage to admit that I wanted to try working toward a show. Part of me believed that once a trainer saw my body without the containment of Lycra, I’d be told that this was a foolish dream. I was certain that my years of obesity had permanently damaged my body, that the skin had been stretched too far with no hope of firming up.
Somehow, however, I mustered up the nerve to allow Hero-trainer Justin Blevins to do the check. I admitted I was nervous, to which he replied, “of course you are.” His tone and demeanor were so kind and understanding that I immediately knew I could trust him. He took a look at me front, back and side, and within 30 seconds said, “ok, let’s shoot for summer”.
Wow, summer! That seemed like an eternity and yet it gave me so much hope. He didn’t say never. We actually had a target.
Since then I’ve learned that those dates can change. I had surgery in the spring which slowed my progress for several weeks. Justin checked me again in July and set the new date of November 7th.
Now we do checks every couple of weeks. I still don’t love the idea of being evaluated, but I don’t get nervous anymore. During this latest check on Wednesday his comment was, “you have muscles everywhere”. Sweet! Meanwhile in my head I’m picking apart all the imperfections, especially those still-saggy spots on my hips and thighs. (one day I’ll muster up the nerve to include those pictures, but I’m not there yet)
Is it just women that do that to ourselves?!
On my bathroom mirror at home I wrote TRUST THE PROCESS. Justin will not put me on stage if I’m not ready. My job is to train like I’m told, eat what I’m told, and drink buckets of water. His job is to give me the workouts and diets that will cause my body to make the changes we seek. I trust him. I trust the process. One day I will be able to walk proudly on stage in my bikini. In 10 weeks. Lord help me!
– If you are new to my blog and want to start from the beginning of this journey, start with Go All In.