In the midst of this process I have experienced 3 different things that have brought me to tears….
- Not believing in myself, or trusting the process
There was a day, just a few months ago, when I literally sat on the floor at the gym and cried. I wasn’t seeing the big picture. I was frustrated with what appeared to be a lack of progress. I started to listen to the nasty voice in my head that was telling me I would never reach my goal to get on stage and compete. That voice screams out when I look at myself naked in the mirror. It says, “You’ve done too much damage,” “You were too fat for too long,” “You’re butt and thighs will never firm up enough to walk that stage without being embarrassed.”
And then a woman I respect and admire smacked some sense into me. She reminded me that the ONE thing that will keep me from reaching my goals is listening to THAT voice. She told me to just “pick a show and work for it.”
The amazing IFBB Pro Morgan Canty you see pictured above let me in on a little secret… all competitors have doubts. If you don’t pick a show date to shoot for, you’ll just keep giving yourself excuses to push it farther and farther out. That’s not to say that the show date might not have to change, but if you never set a specific target date, it’s like being stuck in a revolving door.
(For more #truth on the rough days read my Hump Day post)
After that pep talk I picked my first show date. It was in August. It’s been revised, and that’s ok. New target date, November 7th…. currently 8 weeks out.
- Raw emotion
The second thing that has brought me to tears is simply pushing myself so hard physically that any sadness or stress I may be holding inside simply rises up and spills over. That happens from time to time. I’m thankful for it. Sometimes life gets really hard and it makes me feel better to know that I’m choosing a right way to deal with wrong emotions.
In the past I would eat. For so long I thought food brought comfort. Clearly I’m not alone in this! (hello… how many times have you heard or said “comfort food”) One day, however, I realized that it was a lie. The very thing I was turning to for comfort was the thing that was making me miserable.
That was the day 10 years ago when the switch was flipped and the journey truly began.
That’s me! Holy shnikees! This is really working! Remember that voice of self-doubt I mentioned earlier? I suddenly knew that I really do have the power to tell that voice to shut the hell up. I AM making progress. I AM going to achieve my goals. I AM an athlete.
Oh that little chubby girl in 3rd grade who was so awkward she got stuck in the tire during the field day obstacle course…. that girl the other kids laughed at… that girl has gotten some justice!
I am so thankful for every trainer God has brought along this path, and every one of my friends at the gym. We lift each other up. We are a team. We are all heroes.
If you are new to my blog and want to start from the beginning of this journey, start with Go All In.