One of the challenges we Blendie-wives face (yes, I just made up that term for wives with husbands and children from one or more previous marriages)… is that akward situation when you spend time with people from your husband’s past and all they want to do is reminisce about life before you.
Of course that can be the case with any relationship, but here’s a couple of examples of things that rub me the wrong way:
– Last weekend we had a lovely dinner with a gal that my husband worked for while he was married to wife #3. The conversation was fun and lively as we all got to know one another, but our hostess frequently talked about the ex-wife and her children. Forgive me if this sounds unkind, but why on earth does this woman care about some kid she might have met a handful of times, and why does she think I want to sit around and talk about their family? It’s not a big deal, but not exactly great hostess etiquette either.
– Mother-in-laws take note… blendie wives understand that the previous wives had their good points, but we do not want to know how much you liked them. We kinda need to think that you like us best of all and that you can’t imagine why it took your son so long to find his “perfect” mate. Just sayin.
– This one’s a no-brainer but one of the Ex-Wife-in-Law’s will say things via angry text message to my Man like “you sure enjoyed making your son, now you need to…” whatever rant she’s going on. Two points here: first of all, wow lady, that moment of greatness was YEARS ago. Move on. Secondly, I don’t want to see these kinds of texts. Actually, I learned this lesson the hard way, so new Blendie-wives take note… my man & EWIL #2 tend to argue a lot so I thought it made more sense for me to be the communication link between them. Big mistake! No amount of nice from my part is going to take away whatever hurt she’s dealing with, so all I do by getting in the middle is take on a whole lot of unnecessary drama. If they need to bicker, I’ve learned to just let them knock themselves out. I can then come along afterward and soothe my man’s ruffled feathers. My job is to take care of him and the kids, not her or any of the other ex’s.
Okay, that last one was a bit stronger than reminiscing about the old days, but it still applies to the topic of ways your husband’s past can sneak up and make you want to run and hide (or smack somebody, but we all know violence is never the answer)
Just to be fair, I promise my next blog will be about the ways I try to keep my past in the past.
(archived from June 9, 2013)